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A couple’s engagement announcement may not always warrant congratulations, according to etiquette experts.
TikTok user Kiki shocked her followers after revealing an old-fashioned rule which applies when addressing a newly-engaged couple.
‘Etiquette tip for when someone gets engaged,’ Kiki said,acknowledging it is a ‘silly one’ that well-wishers don’t ‘technically’ have to follow.
‘You congratulate the man, but you wish the woman joy,’ she shared.
She went on to explain you: ‘Congratulate the man because he’s lucky his fiancée accepted his proposal.’
However, Kiki warned, ‘do not’ congratulate the woman.
‘That would imply she lucked out that this guy even wanted to propose to her,’ she said.
Instead, Kiki advises to ‘wish the woman joy because that’s what she deserves.’
TikTok user Kiki shocked her followers after revealing an old-fashioned rule which applies when addressing a newly-engaged couple (stock image)
‘This stuff is old fashioned,’ she admitted. ‘But I still think it’s fun.’
Commenters flooded Kiki’s video with their thoughts, many having no idea the rule existed.
‘This makes me feel so rude to all the brides I’ve congratulated this year,’ one responded in horror.
‘”Best wishes to the bride” is always my go-to for the newly engaged,’ shared one user.
‘Except if I type “best wishes!” on her Instagram post is she going to think it’s passive-aggressive because that’s my biggest fear,’ chimed in another.
‘I said best wishes once and she looked at me like I was nuts. I’ll stick to congratulations,’ joked someone else.
Previously, etiquette expert Alison M. Cheperdak took to TikTok to explain why she never offers her congratulations to the bride.
‘Traditional etiquette used to suggest that you would say “congratulations” to the groom, but not the bride,’ she explained.
Kiki advises to ‘wish the woman joy because that’s what she deserves’ (stock image)
‘Because to say “congratulations” to the bride was to say that you are surprised that she found someone who wants to love her every day for the rest of her life,’ Alison said.
However, she said in modern times this would be ‘discriminatory,’ instead suggesting other messages that can apply to both partners.
The expert says she opts for ‘best wishes,’ ‘I’m so happy for you,’ or ‘I’m excited for you two.’
Alison added that she also doesn’t like saying congratulations because itimplies that marriage is an achievement.
‘I think that to say “congratulations” is sort of to suggest that work ethic alone will find you someone to love for the rest of your life, and I think that’s simply not true,’ she pointed out.
