Are you a good liar? It’s been the question on everyone’s lips as the nation has been gripped by the conniving contestants in The Celebrity Traitors.
But both being a liar and spotting one can be harder than you think. Jonathan Ross this week shared how uncomfortable and exhausted he felt lying to his famous pals on the show.
So how can us mere mortals separate the Traitors from the Faithful? We asked psychological experts for their tips on the subtle giveaways to look out for that someone in your life could be less than truthful . . .
ARE THEY STAYING VERY STILL?
‘Most people imagine liars fidgeting,’ says psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur, ‘but many actually go the opposite way. They become unnaturally still. When someone lies, their body enters a mild “freeze” response – they’re subconsciously trying not to draw attention and so often hold themselves too rigidly, afraid any movement will expose them. Truth-tellers naturally move, gesture, shift, and breathe normally.
‘I once watched a therapy client recount the story of an “accidental” email they’d supposedly sent.
‘The client claimed they were gutted about this email but they didn’t blink, didn’t move their shoulders, just stared and smiled tightly. That stillness said everything. Later, they admitted they sent the email intentionally.’
Jonathan Ross has admitted to finding it uncomortable to lie to his friends
HOW THEY SAY ITDOES MATTER
‘If someone hesitates a split second before answering a yes/no question they should easily know (“Did you text him?” “Did you see the message?”), that tiny delay can signal their brain is constructing rather than recalling,’ says Kamalyn Kaur.
‘Honest people retrieve information; liars create it. That short pause is their mind catching up and trying to calculate a response.’
If you know the person well, how much they are saying – or how little – can also be a giveaway. Your ears should prick up if your normally-chatterbox friend is reserved and quiet, or vice versa.
‘There is some research to suggest that when lying, people try to get it over with as quickly as possible, so they talk for up to 50 per cent less time than when they are not lying,’ says Chris Finn, psychotherapist and author of A Clear Mind. ‘However, some liars talk more. What you’re looking for with most lies is a deviation away from the norm.’
THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAIL
Dr Marianne Trent, clinical psychologist and host of The Aspiring Psychologist podcast, says liars have a tendency to give far too much unnecessary detail. ‘Overplotting can indicate a rehearsed script,’ she warns.
Be wary of too much detail in a story, saysKamalyn Kaur
Kamalyn Kaur concurs. ‘Describing irrelevant specifics like what colour the tablecloth was or who texted them first is often an attempt to make the story sound credible,’ she says.
‘The truth tends to be efficient. Lies need scaffolding – extra context to sound “real”. It’s the verbal version of adding glitter.’
Dr Trent also says detail can be used to distract you from asking questions about their lie. ‘If they have loads of information about one particular topic but none or no opinions on another area, this can be an indication someone is trying to distract you.’
For example, someone might tell you which restaurant they met a friend at — ‘that one on the corner, opposite the pub, the one that used to be an Indian’ — but when you quiz them about exactly who else was there, they gloss over this.
THEY MIGHT BE ENJOYING IT
Kamalyn Kaur explains that our emotional expressions are automatic. If they don’t line up with the story it’s often because the person is managing their words and responses, rather than allowing their true emotions to show through.
Chris Finn agrees, reminding that ‘if someone is telling you an upsetting story whilst smiling, there is an incongruence there, which likely means they are either hiding something, or at least leaving something out of what they are telling you’.
Dr Trent warns of liars ‘overplotting’
For example, he says: ‘Once I was working with a client who was claiming benefits. They were telling me how ill they were, unable to work even though they wished they could.
‘Throughout the conversation there was a subtle grin on their face. It later transpired they were faking their illness.’
Marianne Trent says this might be because they’re actually enjoying the act of lying. For some it might be a power trip, or the satisfaction of feeling that they’ve got one over on someone else. Or it might be that the person takes pleasure in manipulating those around them.’
… WHILE OTHERS NEED TO SELF-SOOTHE
That being said, for most people, lying can be quite uncomfortable. ‘So when lying most tend to avoid talking about themselves too much in a situation,’ says Chris Finn. ‘If you are surprised by how they seem to be avoiding talking about what they did, or they avoid using the word “I”, it could be the sign of a lie.’
He points out you might also see people trying to self-soothe when they lie.‘ Liars often try to comfort themselves by touching their face or body. Watch out for signs such as stroking their hair, or holding their hands over their mouth.’
