For the past couple of months, I’ve been sexually harassed by a man on Instagram. The direct messages come from different accounts, but they all share the same name – ‘James’ – and the same graphic descriptions of what ‘James’ would like to do to me.
I’ll spare you the details, in case you happen to be eating. But what I will say is that, as a woman with a profile and a platform, I’ve become accustomed to these kinds of messages.
I received my first rape threat 20 years ago, and have since seen everything from my head Photoshopped on to a porn star’s body, to semen Photoshopped on to my body – it was this that led me to leave Twitter five years ago.
It’s safe to say that, sadly, nothing much phases me any more. Ignore these people and they tend to go away, perhaps because they get off on the power of knowing they’ve upset you. That’s why I don’t even bother to block them any more – they only pop up with new aliases anyway.
But then, a couple of weeks ago, another ‘James’ account left a comment on a video I’d posted on Instagram of me doing a half marathon in gym pants and a sports bra. (An identical outfit to the one most elite female athletes wear – I copy it with my tongue firmly in cheek, to show that exercise is for everyone.)
But back to ‘James’, whose words I apologise for in advance. ‘Ur the best pants runner ever,’ he wrote. ‘Had a good w**k to this now.’ Maybe it was because other women could see it – women who follow me precisely because they’re so sick of their bodies being objectified – but I reported the comment to Instagram, which is owned by Meta, which is owned by Mark Zuckerberg. I imagined them banning ‘James’, or, at the very least, removing the comment.
It was a shock, then, when a couple of days later, I received a message to tell me they’d reviewed the comment and found ‘it doesn’t go against our Community Standards’. I was told I could request a review of the decision, and deciding to give the company the benefit of the doubt (perhaps their bots and AI systems still hadn’t been taught British slang for masturbation?), I did just that.
On Monday, I learnt my review had failed. Instagram still couldn’t see what the problem was. I was actually more shocked by this than the original comment, and wondered just what it’d take to offend the Instagram community.
Bryony Gordon hasbeen sexually harassed by a man on Instagram for the past couple of months
The next day, I found out. On Tuesday, the broadcaster Rory Cellan-Jones shared a message he’d received from the social media platform, suggesting he edit his comment on a post about Donald Trump’s claim there’s a link between paracetamol and autism. ‘HOW DID AMERICANS ELECT THIS EVIL CLOWN?’ wrote Cellan-Jones, exercising his right to both free speech and the excessive use of capital letters.
Instagram took issue, however. ‘Your comment may contain language that’s hurtful or doesn’t follow our Community Standards,’ it told Cellan-Jones. ‘Please reconsider your comment to help keep Instagram welcoming to everyone.’
By ‘everyone’, did they mean Donald Trump? I thought about US chat show host Jimmy Kimmel, taken off air last week for perfectly reasonable criticisms of the President.
Then I thought about ‘James’, able to leave vile, sexually explicit messages on social media with impunity. And then I let out a howl of despair so loud it could have been heard in America (if the President hadn’t been yapping on about Tylenol and teleprompters). By now I was forming an image of the Instagram ‘community’ – and it wasn’t an entirely complimentary one. For a start, it seemed to be made up of only two people: Zuckerberg and Trump, hanging out in the White House, complaining about the lack of a ballroom as they tried to come up with rules for Meta on the back of an envelope.
I thought of all the times Instagram had claimed to care about the mental health of its users, and how seriously they apparently took the safety of young people and women on the platform. Then I allowed myself to feel like a fool.
Instagram doesn’t care about me, and given it doesn’t care about me with my quarter of a million followers and my very, very loud voice, I think we can safely assume it doesn’t care about your daughter, or any of the other hundreds of millions of women who use the platform every day, who had assumed they’re a part of a community that would take action if a bloke stalked or sexually harassed them.
I am so sick of living in a society that seems to prioritise the freedom of some men to say whatever the hell they want over the right for all women to feel safe.
Just so we’re clear: according to Meta, it’s not OK to call Donald Trump an ‘evil clown’, but it’s just fine to tell a woman you don’t know that you’ve masturbated over a picture of her.
I’m sorry to be so explicit. But then again, maybe it’s not me who should be apologising. Maybe it’s ‘James’, or maybe it should be Meta, for allowing disgusting men like him to thrive online in the first place.
Sabrina is NOT a bad influence
Sabrina Carpenter photographed for Vogue Italia
Why are people forever criticising Sabrina Carpenter for being ‘too sexy’? Is it the 1950s?
I took my daughter to see her in the summer and was bombarded with worried messages from people who thought the show would be too raunchy.
In fact, the 26-year-old is empowering in her own, curious way, and the audience was entirely made up of girls and gay men who love her playful take on life.
‘I do think men have been a super entertaining species to watch,’ she cheekily told Vogue Italia this week.
Proof of why we love her so much – not because she’s sexy, but because she refuses to take her sexiness too seriously.
Sabrina Carpenter on the front cover of the October issue of Vogue Italia
Why Mum rues return of Baywatch
Dig out your red swimsuits, because the 1990s series Baywatch is getting a reboot, after it was recommissioned by Fox. My own childhood memories of the show have nothing to do with Pamela Anderson, and everything to do with the permanent state of anxiety it left my mother in, as she watched my sister and I spend our summers playing lifeguards. ‘Help me, I’m drowning!’ we’d cry from across the surf in Newquay. Now that I’m a mum myself, the return of the show feels a lot like karma.
Pamela Anderson in Baywatch in 1993
I’m not surprised by news that heavy drinkers are more likely to buy alcohol-free beverages than non-drinkers. Why would you want a buzz-free beer if you’ve no interest in booze? In my experience, they can be useful to get you through the early days of sobriety, but I must sound a note of caution: drinking Heineken 0% nearly caused me to relapse about a year into my recovery from alcoholism, because it made me crave the real thing. Now I stick to water and soft drinks: much safer.
Harry for Team GB
Harry Styles competed in the Berlin Marathon earlier this week
Harry Styles just ran the Berlin Marathon in 2 hours 59 minutes and 13 seconds, ranking him in the top 5 per cent of finishers. More impressively, he did it in a long-sleeved black top during a heatwave (it was 27 degrees out there). Given he’s already shaved a cool 25 minutes off his marathon time from Tokyo six months ago, who’s to say he won’t be Team GB-ready for the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics?
